Individual guideline

Cultivate social confidence in yourself and others

Sometimes how we feel about ourselves and others makes social connection intimidating and difficult. These feelings are normal and can be overcome.

  • Be open to social interaction and connecting with others.
  • Start by taking small steps and look for manageable ways to expand your capacity.
  • Be compassionate with yourself and others.
  • Know that it often takes time to improve your social wellbeing.
  • If you find it hard to overcome negative thoughts and feelings about yourself or about your social interactions with others, get support, including, if possible, from trained mental health professionals.
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Rationale

From time to time, we all experience social anxiety or challenges to our self-esteem. As such, cultivating confidence in ourselves and our social ability is critical to forming and maintaining healthy relationships. Confidence in social settings enables individuals to engage more openly and authentically with others, helping us to facilitate deeper and more meaningful connections. This confidence doesn't come naturally to everyone and can be particularly challenging for those who experience anxiety, self-doubt, or fear of being rejected by others. In other words, sometimes how we think or feel about our social abilities can be misleading. Empirical studies support this reality, showing that, on average, most of us tend to undervalue social opportunities, perceive greater risks than actually exist, and evaluate our social interactions less favorably than others do. However, like any skill, social confidence can be developed through practice and persistence. Of course, we all learn at different paces.

By actively working on social skills, such as initiating conversations, expressing empathy, and being attentive during social interactions, we can gradually build our confidence in how we engage with others. Of course, we still need to practice self-compassion and patience, recognizing that setbacks are part of learning and growth. Inevitably, sometimes we will not be able to overcome the thought patterns that limit our social confidence and as such, it may be necessary to turn to others for support. In some circumstances, we may need to access professional support from those who understand what strategies are most effective for navigating challenges with self-esteem and social confidence.

In addition to lacking confidence in oneself, another challenge individuals sometimes face is lack of confidence in others. Indeed, we might feel that connections with others are unfulfilling, that we are not able to find common ground with other people. These potentially negative views of others must sometimes be resisted. Giving other people the chance to surprise us is an important part of every new relationship. In summary, achieving a healthy social life means that we need to cultivate a healthy view of ourselves and others.

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Related Evidence Briefs

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Case Studies

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Supporting Research

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Social cognition, or the ways we think and feel about ourselves and others, plays an important role in how we perceive and navigate our social lives. Such cognitions encompass the mental processes by which we interpret, analyze, remember, and utilize information about our social environment. At times, we all experience social cognitions that make social interaction difficult. We may feel bad about ourselves and assume others do as well. We might assume others don’t like us when in fact they have very positive feelings.

Indeed, research suggests that most of us struggle with accurately understanding the thoughts and emotions of others. We are not very good mind readers. This difficulty often leads to assumptions that may be far from the truth, especially when we habitually expect negative judgments or reactions. These misguided assumptions can fuel anxiety and social discomfort, creating barriers to genuine connection. To counteract this, it is crucial to foster clear communication and encourage open exchanges of thoughts and feelings. By actively seeking to understand others rather than assuming, we can dispel misunderstandings and cultivate more authentic relationships.

Additionally, adopting a positive mindset before and after social interactions can significantly alter our experiences. Instead of catastrophizing or fearing the worst outcomes, envisioning positive scenarios can transform our expectations from anxiety and dread to anticipation of enjoyable, rewarding engagements. This shift in perspective not only reduces anxiety but also enhances the quality of our social interactions, making them more fulfilling and less daunting. By consciously reframing our thoughts and practicing positive visualization, we can approach social situations with confidence, openness, and a greater capacity for meaningful connection.

Additional resources

  • Stepping Out of Social Anxiety Workbook

    Offers practical strategies to manage social anxiety. It includes modules on understanding symptoms, challenging negative thinking, and improving social interactions. Resources like worksheets on assertiveness and relaxation techniques are also available for download.

  • Happify

    A digital platform that enhances emotional wellbeing through science-based activities and games. It uses positive psychology, CBT, and mindfulness to offer personalized tracks for stress management, personal growth, and resilience building.

  • Headspace

    A meditation and mindfulness app designed to improve mental wellbeing. It offers guided meditations, sleep aids, and mindfulness exercises for various needs, such as stress reduction and anxiety management, catering to all experience levels.

  • MindShift® CBT App

    Helps manage anxiety with cognitive behavioural therapy techniques. Developed by Anxiety Canada, it offers tools like guided meditations, relaxation exercises, and strategies for social anxiety, worry, and perfectionism.

  • Calm

    An app promoting mental wellbeing through mindfulness and relaxation techniques. It features guided meditations, sleep stories, and breathing exercises to manage stress, improve sleep, and enhance focus for users at all levels.

  • The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook

    By Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer, guides readers to develop self-compassion through mindfulness practices. It includes exercises and meditations to build resilience and manage stress, anxiety, and self-criticism.

  • A Self-Esteem Self-Help CBT Workbook for Adults

    Offers tools to build healthy self-esteem using CBT techniques. It provides exercises to challenge negative thoughts, improve self-worth, and foster a resilient mindset.

  • Thriving with Anxiety

    By Dr. David Carbonell, provides tools to manage anxiety, turning it into a strength. It combines CBT techniques with humor, offering actionable steps to reduce anxiety’s impact on daily life.

  • The Solution to Social Anxiety

    By Dr. Aziz Gazipura, guides individuals to overcome social anxiety using CBT techniques. It includes exercises and real-life examples to build confidence and social skills.

  • How to Be Yourself

    By Dr. Ellen Hendriksen, provides techniques to overcome social anxiety. It offers strategies to reframe negative thoughts, build confidence, and navigate social situations effectively.

  • The Anxiety and Worry Workbook

    By Dr. David A. Clark and Dr. Aaron T. Beck, offers CBT-based exercises to manage anxiety. It includes practical tools for understanding triggers, developing coping strategies, and reducing anxiety.

  • The Mindfulness and Acceptance Workbook for Anxiety

    Offers a comprehensive guide to manage anxiety using Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). It provides mindfulness exercises and tools to foster a balanced life.

  • BetterHelp

    An online platform for accessible mental health services. It connects users with licensed therapists for flexible support via video calls, chat, or messaging, offering a confidential and affordable option for therapy.

  • Jaunty

    A social skills training organization that combines cognitive-behavioural therapy techniques with workshops to help individuals build confidence and communication skills. It offers practical tools to overcome social anxiety and enhance social presence.